the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
