you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
