so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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