Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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