Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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