Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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