Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Green mimosas i think yes
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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