I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
