Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
