good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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