So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize