Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
