i don't want you to think of me as your TA
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
