Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
