I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
