Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
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