it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
