I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
