You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
