fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
