Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
