he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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