i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
