Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
