If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
