If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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