how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
