If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
