Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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