he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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