I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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