At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
