did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize