wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
