Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
