My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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