She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
