Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
