no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize