So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
