Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
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