oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
