either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sext me about skeletons
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
