If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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