His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
