Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
