I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
