I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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