Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize