Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
