OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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