Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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