update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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