you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
not ubering you a puppy
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
