evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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