woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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