I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
We were destined to go to rehab together
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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