2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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