WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
