Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
