Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
