She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
