you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
