I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
