low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
