In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i drank out of a bidet.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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