just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Randomize
