He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
