I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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