Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
two words: eviction party
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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