I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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