So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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